Trader Joe’s Gigolo

Since he was a little boy, everybody fawned over him. As he grew up, all the girls liked him. He was a real head turner, and he knew it. Ladies loved him, and he loved them back. Again and again. And, again. Years passed. He fancied himself a player for life. Love ’em, and leave ’em that was his motto. Even if it meant shacking up with one, while managing a few on the side. Sure it became work, but he liked to consider it a “lifestyle”. Eventually, however, juggling so many women began to consume him. It became a full-time job. So much so, that his actual career as a science lab manager went into a downward spiral. He wound up with a menial job at a pet store, where he eventually got fired for trying to seduce a customer by putting a snake inside her blouse. Fortunately, he was still living with his clueless “girlfriend”, and she was all to happy to support him, since it gave her some sort of sick sense of self-control. However, self-control was the very thing he lacked. Not long after, she came home from work one day to find him in bed with an elderly neighbor. Needless to say, she kicked him out immediately. He vanished without a trace.

These days, you can find him lurking around Trader Joes parking lots. Wearing a fitted t-shirt and jeans,  he  pretends to be on his phone, looking slightly lost and confused. As soon as he sees a single lady headed to her car with her bags of groceries, he goes into gear. He gives her his “intense” stare, and a slight smile. He heads over to her passenger door and says, “excuse me, but you are so beautiful, I just had to tell you.” Usually, the woman locks her doors and backs out at high speed. But, occasionally he has a lucky day, and she pauses long enough for him to get her number. He runs his fingers through his albeit thinning hair, like he’s seen the men in cologne ads do. He’s still got it. Trader Joe’s parking lot has been good to him. There are lots of single ladies. and they definitely have food and a car. Soon, he might need to find a new location. He’s considering Home Goods or TJMax.


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