Lost Art of Mystery

What does the word “friend” mean to you? There are so many categories. The BFFs from childhood. If you are fortunate enough to have at least one of these, hold on tight for they are like gold. Then there are the work friends; people who you would never have crossed paths with other than through your job. They can often pleasantly surprise you. Occasionally, there are those new, fast friends who you meet through a mutual experience like travel. Fun, yet fleeting, are the fair-weather friends; the here today, gone tomorrow “besties”. Blessed are those who have a “ride or die” friend. If you have one, you know who they are. The one who will be there when the shit hits the fan. The one who will delete your social media, toss your cell into the sea and bury all of the skeletons in your closet and then some. No matter what, having friends, even just one, is priceless. Especially when that person really “gets you”. How many of us are so lucky?

Lately, I have been going through a rough patch. It’s a time to recalibrate and grow. I’m hopeful that this phase will birth a new and improved version of my former self. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, and maybe it doesn’t even matter at all. Regardless, writing is cathartic, and I am trying to find some inspiration in the dark.

DEER Friend.

Every evening around 7:30, I take a 2 mile walk to clear my head. The humid summer air is heady with the fragrance of fresh cut grass and clover. I watch redwing blackbirds, goldfinches and swallows, as they make their last rounds for the day, chirping and calling out to each other from across the vast fields and high trees. A welcome evening breeze feels fresh and clean. It’s so peaceful to walk in silence, observing trees and flowers while enjoying the sounds of nature.

Every night around this time, as I pass by an open field, I see her. A solitary female deer. She stands very still. Her coat is soft, tan and smooth. Her large eyes follow me with curiosity. She is not afraid. I feel her presence and she seems to be waiting. We have an unspoken understanding. She’s out for her evening graze,, and I’m out for my evening walk. Each day, as I turn the bend, she seems to be closer to the path, until one evening, as I pass some bushes along the side of the road, she steps out towards me. She is much larger up close, and I feel a rush of intimidation and fear, since she is a wild animal after all. She pauses and stares, blinking huge shining eyes under long black eyelashes. Her large ears twitch as she looks at me with expectation. I pause for a few moments and then keep walking up the hill, turning to see her following me with her gaze as she steps softly along the grass path next to the paved area. My heart races with a combination of fear and excitement.

Later that evening, I hear rain outside the window. Large drops falling gently at first onto the leaves of the dogwood tree, and then rustling loudly as the showers came down. Tears streamed down my face. Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and lost, I practiced breathing in, telling myself “acceptance”, breathing out “resistance”. I tried to talk my mind into a better space and focus on gratitude. That’s when I heard it. The soft stomping sound on the ground outside of my bedroom window. Quietly, I got up and tip toed across the wood floor. Pulling back the curtain to peek through the crack, I looked out and saw her. The deer. She was standing directly under the window, gently stamping on the lawn, looking at me with her large, gentle eyes as if to say that everything will be alright. I felt my heart soften and the tears stopped falling. I slowly got back into the bed and fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up in the morning, I wasn’t sure if this had been a dream or reality. Looking out the window onto the damp grass, I saw the imprints under the tree.

DEER friend. No words needed. Just being there to let you know that things will be ok.