A STILL SHOT FILLS THE TV SCREEN. UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, IT’S EASY TO IDENTIFY A ROCK LEDGE ON A CLIFF. THE LOUD CRASH OF A WAVE FROM BELOW, AND SLOW MOVEMENT OF A CLOUD, REVEAL THAT THIS IS A LIVE CAM. A SEAGULL SOARS DOWN AND MAKES AN AWKWARD LANDING ON THE UNEVEN SURFACE. SHE CROSSES in front of THE CAMERA WITH A LOUD SQUAWK, pausing to poop before exiting stage left.
OLIVIA TAKES OFF HER GLASSES AND RUBS HER EYES. SHE SHOVES THE TEXT BOOKS ACROSS THE COFFEE TABLE TO MAKE ROOM FOR HER FEET. SCANNING THE SCREEN, SHE DOESN’T SEE ANY ACTION. THERE ARE ONLY 4 PEOPLE LOGGED IN TO THE LIVE PUFFIN CAM. SUDDENLY, SHE GETS A MESSAGE FROM ONE OF THEM. SHE FEELS A RUSH OF NERVES. THIS IS A FIRST.
“Not much happening here, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty quiet.”
“How you doin’? Been here before?”
“Yeah, when I need a study break.”
“What u studying?”
“Dble mjr, bio and quantum physics.”
“Woah….brainiac.”
“; )”
‘So, WUF?”
“Maine”
“U got puffins there!”
“zzzzzzzzz”
“U must Luv puffins.”
“LOL, and?”
“MorF?”
“Why u ask?”
“JK”
“Where do you live?”
“Cali”
“You like birds?”
“Depends”
“wanna go private?”
“Sure, Gimme 5 mins”
“I’m PffnLvr”
“Cammerguy8”
WELCOME TO PUFFINZ Private CHAT – Day 1
PffnLvr – Hey Cammer
Cammerguy8 – Hi….so, wyd?
PffnLvr – Like I said, study break. Stress break. Watching these cute puffins live their life makes me happy. It’s like it puts it all into perspective, ya know?
Cammerguy8 – Yeah, I feel the same way. How old are you? I’m 23, full disclosure…
PffnLvr – I’m 20. Legal tender….lol
Cammerguy8 – does your boyfriend mind that you watch puffins mating on live cams? LMAO
PffnLvr – single, duh
Cammerguy8 – Q4u…
PffnLvr – ?
Cammerguy8 – pic4pic?
PffnLvr – sure. go!
Cammerguy8 – one sec
PffnLvr – no dick pic
Cammerguy8 – lololol
PffnLvr – oooh : )
Cammerguy8 – wow, who knew puffin cam could be so hot! nice pic! can’t blv ur sngl…
PffnLvr – know what I really love about puffins? The babies…they’re just the cutest.. I can’t with the cuteness….I love babies.
Cammerguy8- got kids?
PffnLvr – no, but def want
Cammerguy8 – same. I want a mini me 4 sure
PffnLvr – what u do 4 fun?
Cammerguy8 – I read lots and go to the gym sum. Work at a radio station
PffnLvr- single?
Cammerguy8 – yup. sngl but lkng…; ) maybe I found someone special today….
PffnLvr – sweet. maybe….r u n2 nature? Ya know I’m trying to get into wildlife conservation one day.
Cammerguy8 – Yup. lv it!
PffnLvr – I gotta go – chat tmrw same time?
Cammerguy8 – def- yeah! ttyl
WELCOME TO PUFFINZ Private CHAT-SUITE – Day 2
PffnLvr – Hey, been wtg 4 u….
Cammerguy8 – hi babe. got off work late & traffic
PffnLvr -I had a long day too…aced exam in bio lab!
Cammerguy8- yer amazing! Hey. tell me your real name…I’m Jesse
PffnLvr – Olivia
Cammerguy8– beautiful name for a beautiful girl. My cute puffin…; P
PffnLvr – blushing…
Cammerguy8 – you know how many puffins it takes to plow a driveway?
PffnLvr – omg….no….lmao….no idea
Cammerguy8 – depends how many puffs you take! LMAO>>..get it???get it???
PffnLvr – not really….rofl… you are funny tho
Cammerguy8 – yeah…yeah…so, you gonna tell me a secret? what’s the best thing about you? something that nobody else has…
PffnLvr – well, I’m double jointed- like a pretzel…
Cammerguy8 – Hot!
PffnLvr – I wanna go to Antarctica next year on a study program. Lots of puffins there! Wait…..OMG>>>>OMG!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT???? The baby puffin just got attacked…!!! OMG
Cammerguy8 – HLY SHT….that ain’t right. omg….
PffnLvr – I can’t watch…I can’t Im gonna cry – gotta go…I’ll be back tmrw…omg…crying…: (
Cammerguy8 – ok baby, don’t cry, ok- TTYL. xoxoxo
WELCOME TO PUFFINZ Private CHAT – Day 3
PffnLvr- Hello? Jesse?….Anyone?
Alone in the Puffins Chatroom, Olivia stares at the puffin cam, looking for signs of life from the puffin perch. Nothing. Maybe they are inside now. Hopefully the baby survived the vicious attack. Waiting, she stares at the live stream puffin cam, which stays empty. Finally, with a sigh, she switches to the Live Nature Cam Menu…..
Bear River – Alaska
Ndingi Game Preserve – Africa
Wild West Owls – Wisconsin
She clicks on the Bear River Cam….Lots of action in the BearCamChatRoom.
WELCOME TO BEARCAMZ-CHATROOM
PffnLvr-Hi all…..looking for my friend…Has anyone seen “Cammerguy8″
HawtBaregrl – jst had r prvt chat
PffnLvr – ????
HawtBaregrl – yeah, and?
PffnLvr- huh?
HawtBaregrl – Jesse’s my bf…
PffnLvr – : ( k bye
WELCOME TO PUFFINZ Private CHATROOM – Day 4
Cammerguy8 – Hey! how’s my little puffin gal?
PffnLvr – I thought you were cool. Fuck off.
Cammerguy8 – wts yr prblm?
PffnLvr – Do you even care about puffins? Do you even like them?!!!
Cammerguy8 – yeah babe, you know I do! We met in the Puffinz Chat!!
PffnLvr- Liar. You like Bearz too, and probably are into Owlz, Hyenaz, Muscratz, Dungbeetlez….anything really. Bye!
Cammerguy8 – Wait, wait….I really like you….it’s not like that…wait…
PffnLvr- Eff off.
“You’ve Been BLOCKED by PffnLvr and the PUFFINZ CHAT ROOM!”
Just at that very moment, the puffin cam beeps, and on screen a baby puffin peeks out from behind a rock. Squeezing his cute face through, he stares straight at the camera, peeping softly. Olivia smiles with relief. He emerges, fluffy and adorable, as his mother comes over to feed him.
Lost Art of Mystery 