Lost Art of Mystery

Task-Bunnies, OfferUps, & Other Random Masked Encounters.

Part 2. Tales of Online Sales

In the midst of the pandemic madness, do you recall having a moment after a few weeks or months deep into lockdown, when you looked around your living space, and realized how much unnecessary stuff you had? Coincidentally or not, around that time, there was an explosion of online home retail shops as well as a trend in organization, minimalism and downsizing. While some decided to lean into the clutter and hunker down in the familiarity and comfort of it all, others went too far in the other direction. I would be one of those people. Looking around my apartment, the walls felt like they were closing in. I was sick of seeing the same stuff over and over. I obsessed on minuscule flaws and decided to sell what I could, and replace with a couple of nicer pieces. Most of all, I wanted to streamline my life for the uncertainty of what would be next. The closet was an entire entity of its own, bursting at the proverbial seams with linens, work clothes, costumes, as well as shoes, boots, and more shoes.

The process began with furniture. I’d been deep diving in the online vortex, researching sofas for years, waiting to pull the trigger for such a high priced item and long term investment. Buying a sofa feels like buying a car or a mattress. These things are expensive and an investment. It needs to be well made, in your budget range, aesthetically pleasing, and above all, comfortable. I decided to sell my small vintage divan and order a comfy sectional. Being trapped indoors so much, it was easy to justify investing in the “cozy and comfy”. I studied and researched pros and cons to narrow down options. Finally, I clicked the online purchase button and set about listing my cute compact sofa for sale. Within a day, a woman reached out, eager to pick it up. She told me she’d been searching forever, but everything she liked was on back order. After she and her boyfriend picked it up, I went back to look at my order to check the delivery date. In my haste, I had neglected to pay much attention. The tracking showed within 10 days. I could live with that. Well, of course, that date kept getting pushed. Remember the “supply chain” delays? 10 days turned into 3 months. In the meantime, I repurposed an inflatable bed as a “couch”. Once the sofa was finally on route, they called to keep me posted on the ETA. Two burly guys carried the cellophane wrapped beast up 3 flights of narrow stairs, and heaved it onto the landing. And, you can guess what happened. No matter which way they angled it, the thing would not fit through the doorway. I had stupidly neglected to measure. The delivery guys laughed about it, saying it happens all the time and they even showed me how to measure for next time. After finding an alternate option, I measured multiple times. I even called the retailer, and they were adamant that it would absolutely fit. I patiently waited another 12 weeks. This time, during a heatwave, the delivery team arrived, sweating and heaving a behemoth up the steps. And, guess what? They stood there huffing and exhausted before one of them exclaimed, that this was never going to fit! They turned around, took it away to be returned. (This fits into “first world problems”, I know.)

Since “third time’s the charm”, I went back on the hunt for another sectional. I measured 10 times. I had a friend measure. I spoke with specialists. Finally, I found a two piece compact sectional and ordered it. This would fit. I was certain. Another 10 weeks and finally, the day came. The two boxes slid through the door no problem. It was set up fast and fit perfectly in the corner. I decided to celebrate that evening with red wine, popcorn and a binge watch of “Catfish”. Needless to say, 3 episodes in, my wine glass careened across the tray and headed in slow motion towards the pale linen fabric, spilling burgundy liquid that spread into a large Rorschach splotch. I tried to lift it as quickly as possible with some success. However, to this day, a faded shadow remains as a gentle reminder of the pandemic.

(Lately, I look back at the bubble of time during the pandemic with an odd nostalgia. In spite of all of the turmoil and struggle, it felt like as a collective, there was hope for a better future, it seemed as though truth was being revealed and replaced with a new version of humanity. Currently, things are the reverse and the future looks bleak and dystopian.)